Obstacle.

"21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members." Romans 8:21-23

Service today was different.

The week has been amazing. Awesome. Any positive superlatives that you can think of would be apt to describe the week. The word used would be "different". Literally and metaphorically.

There's only this certain day, a wednesday, which i believe i will remember for life.

It's something i can turn back and say "Hey, i didn't regret that day. Not one bit."

Nothing went wrong. Sweet and special indeed. Carefully, i'll etch it into the softened fragment of my heart. Some things are best kept as memories?

Sometimes, things are best kept as memories. Because, the past can never be changed. And, if something sweet and beautiful is captured in your past, it can never be flawed. Never. That's the power of time.

Somehow, flashes and streaks of that departing moment kept ringing in my mind. Why. It's supposed to end, there and then.

The days between saturday and wednesday were filled with nothing but faint hours of wednesday and smiles and seoul garden and departure. Occasional tearing too, but i shoved the idea of crying in front of my parents. (christians are human too).

Earlier today, i made my way to church with an empty heart. A very empty one. It was a horrible concoction of heaviness and emptiness. There was nothing that i could take out. Yet, nothing that could fill me. Abba, where were You?

During Praise and Worship, when i realised i could not feel God's presence, did i realise how selfish i've been. This whole week, has been "me me me and more me". Where's God?

My knees crept onto the ground. Predictably, tears ran down my face. I could not part with her. I turned to God. But could not feel His presence. In my mind, somehow, i was screaming "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

He tells me, "I'm here my child, don't worry. I'm here. I'm always here. Never will i forsake you."

Tears just kept dripping. I've been too selfish.

Brother Rixiang, with the mike in his hand, interjected the music with a lil story.

"There was this little girl, who won a toy pearl necklace from Toys'r'us. And one day, her father called her and said 'Daughter, if you love me, you will give me the toy necklace.' But the daughter said in reply 'Daddy, i love you, but i want to keep this necklace now.' The following week, the father called the girl again and asked again 'My daughter, if you love me, give me the toy necklace.' And again the daughter replied 'Daddy, you know i love you. But, i want the necklace for myself.' However, in the third week, the father didn't call his daughter;yet she was compelled to go to her father. She gave him a hug and said 'Daddy, i love you, and here is the necklace.' The father smiled and said 'i've been waiting for you to say this my dearest.' Took out a small box from his pocket and said 'This is for you.' Inside that box, was a real pearl necklace."

"Abba," i wept, "Abba, thanks for the week. I lift her up into Your hands and i pray that Your will be done. I gave to You what is precious to me."

And Lord, You're really the One and Only Way.

This verse spoke to me today:

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it " Romans 7:14-20

p.s: you're precious to me, it's just the timing. Somethings are probably best kept as memories - for now.